Crumbs [Poem]

toby
Submission Judge

Grammar Nazi

Much of my writing is from my English class free writes, so critique away!

Posts: 576

Crumbs [Poem] Jan 17, 2011 22:35:01 GMT -5

Post by toby on Jan 17, 2011 22:35:01 GMT -5

The first poem of prompts!

~~~~~

See there?
That small, black creature
It's called an ant
It's never alone

Sit, boy
Watch a while
Soon you will understand
Some things aren't what they seem

See there?
He's found a crumb
It might not seem like much
But for him, it's everything

Did you ever find a crumb?
No, not like that.
Something so important,
it dwarfed the rest of your life

See there?
Now he's calling his friends
They can move it back to their house
And have dinner

Why don't we move back to our house?
Grandma's got a treat for you
Maybe we can find you a crumb
Or two

As resident Grammar Nazi I feel this must be shared. Pay attention, kiddies.

"There's a difference between Mb and MB, hence why capitalization is very important. (Another example is I helped my uncle jack off a horse vs I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse.)"

Moral of the story: Capitalization goes a long way.

Kriven
Administrator

Head Judge

Peek-a-Boo

Posts: 482

Crumbs [Poem] Jan 19, 2011 16:32:55 GMT -5

Post by Kriven on Jan 19, 2011 16:32:55 GMT -5

I like using "Crumb" as a metaphor for something important in one's life. The poem, overall, felt a little old timey, but not in a bad way. In one of those "learning from Grampa" nice ways. It was also really well structured, and the ending was somewhat inspiring. I want to go find myself a crumb now.

toby Submission Judge Grammar Nazi Much of my writing is from my English class free writes, so critique away! Posts: 576	Crumbs [Poem] Jan 19, 2011 17:09:48 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by toby on Jan 19, 2011 17:09:48 GMT -5 stretches fingers My work here is done
	As resident Grammar Nazi I feel this must be shared. Pay attention, kiddies. "There's a difference between Mb and MB, hence why capitalization is very important. (Another example is I helped my uncle jack off a horse vs I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse.)" Moral of the story: Capitalization goes a long way.

Kriven Administrator Head Judge Peek-a-Boo Posts: 482	Crumbs [Poem] Jan 19, 2011 21:15:54 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Kriven on Jan 19, 2011 21:15:54 GMT -5 Yeah? Just wait until Monday

Post by toby on Jan 17, 2011 22:35:01 GMT -5

Post by Kriven on Jan 19, 2011 16:32:55 GMT -5

Post by toby on Jan 19, 2011 17:09:48 GMT -5

Post by Kriven on Jan 19, 2011 21:15:54 GMT -5